Deficit in Attention, Full in Faith

A common misconception about Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is that it only affects you when you're school-aged. However, ADHD can also manifest into your adult life in every aspect, from finances to family to what I'll be talking about today: faith.

My Discovery, Symptoms, and Diagnosis

In my senior year of high school, when I realized I had a lot of symptoms and signs of anxiety disorders, I noticed some symptoms of ADHD as well. 

I noticed I had a short attention span, and when reflecting on my childhood, I noticed that I always had a shorter attention span than average. While I would hyperfocus on subjects I enjoyed, such as English and History, I would practically dissociate in classes I didn't enjoy and had trouble in, such as Math and Science.

I had quite a bit of sensory issues as well, and while they have subsided to an extent as I've grown up, they still exist. When I was a child, I vividly remember having meltdowns over wearing leggings because wearing them made me feel like ants were crawling up my legs. Now, I hate loud noises, bright lights, and yes, I still hate wearing leggings (although I will tolerate them if they are of a good material).

I also noticed that I fidgeted more than the average person. Even though I had no problems staying seated when asked, I'd shake my leg, pick at my hands, or play with my hair. I would get excited and/or agitated easily. Additionally, I suffered with frequent anxiety attacks and episodes of depression.

Me after receiving my First Communion. Don't let the smile fool you - this dress made me so itchy and I felt very overstimulated.

Overall, I always knew that society perceived me as "the weird kid", and my ADHD diagnosis would explain that. I was now considered neurodivergent. While my diagnosis gave me the answers I was seeking, my diagnosis was also something that made me insecure about myself. 

Grieving my Diagnosis

One common but incorrect belief I had when I was going through periods of doubt in my faith was that I was made from a broken mold. Since I let society's perceptions of me get to me, I felt like God got lazy with me, or that He forgot some parts of me, like the parts of my brain that actually help me remember things or the parts that helped me make friends easily.

In college, I struggled quite a bit with my newfound diagnosis. Since I started college during a worldwide pandemic, and started my second year as a new major during a pandemic combined with a category 4 hurricane, I went through a lot. This caused me to get really hard on myself.

There were times I found myself questioning God, asking Him, "Why did you make me this way?" I felt like being this way was a sin. I felt like having this disorder was a punishment of some sort, and I felt like I had to pray it away.

However, when I started to get into my faith again, slowly but surely I have started to lose my doubts and realize my purpose.

The Lord Sees You in Your Mess

Something I've learned since diving deeper into my faith is that God sees you right where you are. You do not need to get all of your problems situated before you come to the Lord. God loves all of you, even if you think that you're deeply flawed according to society.

The Lord doesn't expect us to be these perfect followers. After all, the disciples and all of the other important figures in the Bible each had flaws of their own:

• Peter had a temper.

• Jonah ran away from God.

• Martha worried a lot.

• Paul was a murderer.

However, one thing the disciples didn't do was let these flaws prevent them from developing a relationship with Christ.

The key aspect about being a Christian, at least in my opinion, is trying - trying to pray more, trying to read the Bible more, trying to sin less. Because, when we try, the Lord sees that we are changing the posture in our hearts. The Lord sees that we are trying to be more like Him.

As long as we keep trying to pursue that relationship with Jesus, He will provide for us.

The Lord has a Purpose for ALL OF US!

Even though it's very difficult for me to remember things at times, and even though I can get really irritable about some things, the main thing I try to remember when I start doubting myself is that the Lord made me this way for a purpose.

When God made me as a woman with ADHD, He didn't want me to suffer. He didn't want me to think I was made from this broken mold. Rather, He used me and my story for good. God has blessed me with so many opportunities in my life that I genuinely would not have otherwise had I not believed in His glory.

While ADHD can give me trouble at times, it also makes me more creative. It makes me a good problem-solver. It makes me adaptive to change (even though I hate it deep down). I can go on and on about how my ADHD has so many positive traits.

Wrapping Up

Overall, I hope that you got something from this message today, regardless if you are neurodivergent or not. When you are in your periods of self-doubt and insecurity, I hope that you can remember that the Lord made you this way for a special purpose. You are important, loved, and valid.

If you are a fellow neurodivergent in Christ and would like to connect with me, or if you know a Christian who is neurodivergent, please feel free to message me on my "Contact" page!